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So I got Margaret to take pics of me yesterday. Ouch. They will serve as my reminder every time I want to sit on my ass or stuff my face.

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Stats as of yesterday.
Ht- 5'10"
Waist- 38
Hips- 46
Upper thighs- 25
Biceps- 13 one arm, 12.5 the other (weird hey?)
Body fat % estimation- 25-30%
Wt. this morning (first time on a scale in forever as I believe scales are evil)- 210

Goal- 30-40lb loss, 15% body fat, 2 sizes smaller, toned and fit body.

I borrowed some Zumba videos, and Insanity ( nived32 am I totally nuts?????)
I'll start with the exercises in the book and Zumba. Need to find or make a Kettlebell.

Sigh. It's time. My birthday is next week and I feel the 40s closing in on me. :(

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

4 hour day 1 & 2

Excuse the bad camera phone pics. Bad photographer, bad!

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I cheated earlier and had a small handful of dark chocolate covered almonds. But now that I've taken my measurements...ouch. I'll be sticking better to it!

No idea where except for a gym for which I don't have a membership, I can get my fat % measured.
Starting measurements (I'm 5'10")-
Waist- 38
Hips- 46
Thighs- 24.5 each
Left upper arm- 13.5
R. upper arm-14
= total inches of 160.5
Based on the eyeball method pictures in his book I estimate my body fat to be between 25 & 30%. I'm going to weigh myself (ack!) in the morning.

If this bores you I will make a separate filter. Starting exercise as soon as this nasty cold is done.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


This morning, my leisurely wake up was interrupted by Wyatt running into my room to tell me that we caught a mouse on the glue paper in the bathroom. He said he heard something while he was peeing and looked over to see this little thing struggling. However, what we caught was a baby rat, not a mouse.

It was horrible. It was squeaking and panicked trying to get off. I have no idea how it got into the bathroom or why it was there but judging by the little pile of shredded paper and wood chips at the edges of the glue paper it was either smart enough to know it was sticky and making a path, or was taking a mouthful of this stuff somewhere. Anyway, I used some veggie oil to release it from the paper and was going to take it, in the towel it was wrapped in, outside but then it jumped off the table and ran under my bookshelf where it is now trapped! I have the bottom of the case barricaded and the only way out is into the live bait trap I put down. However, this thing is smart enough that it got some of the cracker out, without having the door close on it to trap it in. I can't get it out from under the shelf though because the case is too heavy to lift! What do I do with it when I catch it? I can't bring myself to kill it, even though there is a major rat problem in our neighbourhood because of the houses they are tearing down. If I release it, it could just come back in! :(

It was easier in my frustration with finding the evidence of rodents in the house to think about traps, and poison, when they are unseen. But then you see this little baby rat, and well it's a baby. :( I can't kill a living thing, pest or not. I know they need to be killed though because they breed so dang fast. And with the literally blocks of houses they tore down, all these rodents have fled to find new homes. My friend Megan texted me the other day to tell me that the gas station down the street from me was INFESTED, with 100s (!!!) of rats running all over around the outside. I didn't believe her until I walked over to see for myself. By then they weren't all out in the open, but I could hear them rustling around in the bushes, I could see the bushes moving, and I could hear their squeaks! then I would see them run across the bushes, or pop their heads up like wack a mole through these holes they had dug. It was eery. And gross. Then I saw this huge, one, like small cat huge right beside the Wendy's drive through ordering window!

So yeah. They need to be dealt with. But I can't have them dying of poison in my house and then rotting for weeks to stink us out, and I can't stomach those traps. So far they have been too smart for the live bait traps. And well after seeing that this morning, the sticky paper is not nice either. I put steel wool up around the pipes in and out of my house and under the sinks, but they still were under the kitchen sink I could see! I'm going to go buy some of those sonar things today to see if that helps, but I'm worried about what it will do to the gerbil. And the lizard. I hope the sound doesn't reach the kids room. Or maybe I need to find a temporary home for them while we scare all the rodents away with the sonar?

In other news, we were going to go out to Stewart Farmhouse today but the sun seems to have gone away. I'm not sure if it is sunny out in White Rock or not, but now it is already 1 and it would be 2 by the time we got out there....maybe Saturday. The kids are behaving better today. Maybe because they are on the computer, I don't know. Wyatt still hasn't apologized to me for yesterday and I haven't had the right time to chat with him yet. Not sure what to say exactly.

Ben and I want to go see the Hunger Games Friday but from the sounds of it many theatres are already sold out! I may end up having to do saturday or Sunday. And I'm going to have to buy tickets asap.

Found this funny picture of Wyatt last night;
wyatt aged 16 months

So I had to take a picture of him last night because the hilarious thing is, those are the same pjs he wore as a baby, AND, he was sitting in a similar position, watching TV!
wyatt age 9

more logos

This time, for Expressionate Photography (weddings and boudoir only).

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Logo Opinions please....

I've been working on my new brand. After realizing that there already is a Little Sparrow Photography local (cry), I've settled on Little Owl. I really wanted to stick with birds (particularly sparrow so I could keep my same logo), as it fits for newborns and kids...... So I have a whopping 9 variations I need to narrow it down from. This is where you come in! I want to get it down to the top 3. The first two are my faves. One with the frame, one without. They could both be classed as one I suppose, used each way in different places? So voting is based on the no frame version, so any that are duplicated with frames. The frame versions I see for things like stickers, packaging and business cards.

Ready? I'm not sure why they are showing up pixelated. Maybe because they are a .png instead of jpg. Anyway, I had to size them down for here, but you can see the higher res here if you are friends with me on flickr here.
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After that, I will be working on branding for Expressionate Photographic Studio....

Saying goodbye

This morning was my last "breakfast club" breakfast with Mark and Sharon. That's what we started calling it because we seem to always have breakfast together, and the way we act, well we could be those bad kids in detention...I was working today so they delayed their departure for the island a little later in the morning, so that we could eat together. I had to keep pushing away the lump in my throat. It wasn't until Sharon, normally the tougher, less soft of the two (very stoically British) hugged me with eyes full of tears and her voice shaking that I allowed myself to really feel it. When Mark, the emotional, lover of chick flicks hugged me tightly and planted a kiss on my cheek that's when the tears really started.

They left, pulling the caravan they've been living in for the last 9 months behind the church, and today was so sad. There is a hole, just like there is this large blank space where their camper was parked. They've become family in this short period of time. Evenings at my place for food while they do laundry and we watch a movie or chat, hanging out at the church.... Laughing so hard that we literally can't breathe and tears are pouring out of our eyes. They've been so generous, encouraging and accepting. I miss them already and this just sucks but I'm happy for them that they are going where they want to be (Mark is excited to see sunshine), and are going to do everything they can to help get us over there (like hiring me). It was hard for them to leave too, I could tell. It just really speaks to the amount of love they've experienced hanging out at our church, and even though they are not believers, we showed them what church really should be about, and it was emotional having to leave us for their new journey. The cafe is going to be so quiet and boring without them. 

I honestly don't know what i'm going to do without them. I know that sounds silly, but I've seen them nearly every day for the last 10 months They call my boys the hobbits. My boys love them. I make fun of their accents and Mark calls me dumbass. Sharon brings chocolate when they come over, and after every meal the kettle goes on for tea (I never was a tea drinker until they came along), and without even thinking now, when I hand Mark his latte at the cafe I hand him a spoon to scoop up his foam. We have gotten to know each other's habits, likes, frustrations. They've been a shoulder to me, as I deal with Grant and all his selfish bad behaviour. They stand up for my boys. Just like family. It feels like so many people I love have moved away and yet here I stay. I just get tired of the loss. I know it's not a loss, they are only a short trip away, but it's more the loss of the comfortable daily routines. Knowing you always have someone to chat with, hang out with, share a meal with. I haven't felt lonely since they came along. 

I can't wait to get over there. Praying, wishing, hoping I can. First Marlies moving over there, now Mark and Sharon. If my "family" (with the exception of tarapaul and mahogany and a couple other local besties) are moving to the very place my heart feels most at home, and my boys want to be, where business could be better, where our money would go further, well why am I here and not there? Le Sigh. 

A few pictures.

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Now all I can do is get it all together, start preparing the way for my business, school for the boys, housing....and soon, oh so soon it will be summer and hopefully, to the kids and my great relief, we will be settled in a nice town, with an affordable house, a good job for me, and my business ready to re- launch. 

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

fly by

To say happy birthday to my very dear, and very much missed (Langley seems to be another planet these days) friend tarapaul.

We MUST get together very soon. Before the kids go back to school? I have shoots like the runs after bad Indian food, so I haven't had time to call. Miss you like crazy though!

this day brought to you by...

new hair, flirting, sunshine, an exciting wedding and 23 days until I go to Hawaii to see nived32!!!!

New hair? Yes please.
Side A
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B Side
I'd say both sides are pretty good. ;)
So this new hair cut after 5 months or so.....and which as a professional was badly needed since i couldn't see anymore, :p brought about two very cool events.

1) when waiting to turn at the light, Mr hot as you please™ walking by gave me a nod and a smile. He was, well just as good from the front as from the behind but not in a pretty boy way. More a fit and you know it™ kind of way.....Cool I thought, my day could end on this note, I've been smiled at by a hottie. But then....
2) I decided to stop at the coffee shop near the kids' karate school. I haven't been there in months. Apparently it has new owners. Kent or Kurt, something like that. Well Mr Hot New Owner ™ as it turns out used to be a professional chef, AND a professional rodeo cowboy. Yeah so I died right there and let's just say I drooled a little on the inside. I was wearing my I <3 cowboys shirt. He thought that was awesome. Said to me, "your shirt says you love cowboys," smart ass me answers thanks to new hair confidence, "doesn't everyone love cowboys?" He laughs and that is when I find out he used to be a cowboy. For real. He was pretty damn yummy as well. Italian/spanish/some sort of mediterranean....spent a few years working in a french restaurant in spain. How do I know all this? Well because we were chattingflirting. New hair, yo.

I mentioned that I was happy to see he still had my card up on the board. That's yours, he asks? Why yes it is, I say....He tells me he looks at it every day, and well what do you know, now he has my contact info....Said he will leave it up, but is taking down all the rest of the cards people have hung up. (!!!!)
Make it 3 cool events-
3)If I go in one day when I drop the kids off at karate (I REALLY hope that the fact that I mentioned them doesn't scare him away lol), he will make me a gourmet deli sandwich. Something new they will be adding to the menu.....Being a foodie, I would love that a lot.

He is going to be decorating with rodeo stuff. I told him I have some pretty awesome concert pics from Merritt. Chit chatted about my line of work.

So. Let me recap- new hair, I <3 cowboy tshirt, + mad flirting= 1 cheeky smile by Mr hot as you please™, more flirting with Mr Hot New Owner ™, possible free sandwich and hopefully a phone call.... Word.

What else....
Just some stuff I am working on....custom DVDs.... woot!
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Spent a few days with the awesome zepharum and her sparkly ball of wonderfullness Evan. We zipped down to Seattle for a day, wandered around the Seattle Centre (coolest fountain ever, Melissa I want some of the pics!), and had a crab feast at the Crab Pot. And competed (she won), at who was messiest. Evan fell asleep during dinner, poor tired boo. We spent the night in a hotel (read into what you want hehe), and hit up a HFS and Trader Joes. It was so nice to finally meet IRL. Slowly ticking down the list of Eljay friends I have met.....who's next? nived32 of course! In Hawaii yo!

Wedding tomorrow for a pretty cool and well known groom from Vancouver's soccer family has me nervous and excited. And did I mention it's being held at an Umberto restaurant? Yeah. So IMMA be eating well tomorrow night.

Now, I get to go get ready for work tonight. Think I will be stopping by tomorrow on my way to the wedding for a coffee..... hehe.


one year

Now it is officially one year. it was about this time in the evening that we had done it already, and started down a path I wish I could go back and change. Oh how I wish this one year were marking a different kind of anniversary, rather than this.

I feel foolish.
I feel used.
I feel abandoned.

I feel angry at how things are, and at how I am being treated. Have been treated since before Christmas.
I regret the recent things I did for him, knowing now, that I am still walking around in darkness not knowing what is going on.
A gift I couldn't afford, not really, yet I was so desperate to do the same kind of thing for him that he had for me in the past and to show him how much I cared.
A party that was forgotten about as soon as it was over with, at which he chose to hang out with two drunk friends afterwards instead of me, in the name of being worried about them because they'd been drinking (grown men fwiw). If I had been drinking as much as them, he wouldn't have done the same for me. I know that now. He would have just put me in a cab, not offered to stay with me all night like he did with them.

So much has changed. I no longer believe that he cares about me. Maybe he never even really did. Not in the way he said. Sure he cared about me and my boys but now I feel like it was more a charity or pity thing. Not me being a good friend of his, or family, who he loved like he said.
I no longer believe that he was ever really faced with a difficult decision. I believe now that he was faced more with the dilemma of how to undo it, so he used his parents as an excuse.

I believe that I was wrong to trust him, or to believe what he said to me. I don't trust him anymore. He hurt me too much. I am not sure even, that some of the things he has done to me recently without apologizing for I can forgive. Even if he did apologize, I don't think I would believe him.
I believe that even the "good guys" can't be trusted to not let you down or cut and run when things get tough.
I don't think he is as good of a person as I thought he was. I think I held him higher than he deserved to be held, simply because he seemed to genuinely care, built me up when I was feeling down and never overtly hurt me. Not until one year ago later today. And then the hurts just kept coming.
In hindsight I see how many times I was a convenience friend when he had nothing better to do or no one else to hang out with. He rarely ever in more than 2 years called me up to specifically ask to hang out with me or so something. it was usually me calling him or texting him and him being available.
He doesn't call, I call him.
He doesn't text, I text him.

And the less I call, the less he responds. 
I don't think I really know him at all. And I know he prefers it that way, but I can't keep giving myself over to emotionally unavailable people. People who don't want to share their lives.

So I'm just putting it out there, a cataloguing of my thoughts, and when I feel like I am missing him, I only just have to look at this and remember.


I'm Just a Girl...
...I fully believe in setting impossible goals, because they can stretch our capabilities and help us avoid complacency. Further, ambitious goals require us to make certain sacrifices, and this can lead to great rewards." Lawrence Chan, Social Media Marketing for Digital Photographers.

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